So as I sit here at 10:30pm on a Sunday night I really should be on my way to bed, yet I sit here with so much to get out/off my chest. So I’m hoping that this blog entry will alleviate some of the feelings I have.
This weekend has been nothing fancy. It started out with a spontaneous drive out towards the mountains to sit at my ‘magic spot’ by the river for a little while. While out there I felt connected to Mother Earth. I saw 3 red tailed hawks on my drive out there, and one when I was sitting by the river bank. As well as one big black bird with a huge wing span, and one swimming bird a loon it looked like to me. I started talking to Goddess. I surrendered to HER and with tears in my eyes I surrendered saying, that if the doctor has to cut me open to save my ovary that I still have on Nov. 15 that I’m okay with it. And if the doctor has to remove the ovary because of what the cyst looks like I surrender to that outcome as well. I cried. I want the pain to stop in my belly. It’s PCOS awareness month, I am 1 in 10 women who live with PCOS. An incurable syndrome that can cause havoc for a woman. Pain that doesn’t go away, crazy hair growth, and hair loss all at the same time.
PCOS Awareness Ribbon.
With the nomination of the FIERCE Woman of the Year Awards in the Resilient category for 2012 it was said to me by a friend that I am his ‘Phoenix friend’. His suggestion to me is to find a red dress for night. Well, I found one today……
It’s the right red, and I love the dress, loved how I felt when I put it on.
I came to a realization however, that this is the first time I’m wearing a bright red dress since my 1st year of University. I haven’t worn one since. And for those of you who know my story from University, my 1st year was not the best experience. The last time I was in a red dress it was the semi-formal with my boyfriend, I can still bring myself back to that night. Remember feeling pretty, and being with friends. Dancing with friends and having him watch me and get angry because I was dancing with others. He didn’t like hearing about my happy times from my past, and he also became jealous of me dancing with friends, and other things.
So to be wearing this red dress at the FIERCE Woman of the Year Awards in the Resilient category for 2012 brings it almost full circle in some sort of strange way. Being brave, being seen, and being vulnerable. Sharing my story with others to hopefully inspire them to keep going to break free, to rise above the ashes and be a phoenix in their own world. I choose to rise. The night of FIERCE is to celebrate everyone. Everyone who is nominated is FIERCE in their own right!
When will you choose to rise?
Will YOU choose to rise like the phoenix?
Awakening Goddess 