Choosing to speak UP!

Tonight I chose to submit a story to another blog here in WordPress land called:  Patriarchy Survivor .  This blog is asking for survivors to thrivors to share their story about dating violence.  So please find below my story that I shared with this other blog.

My story is that we met in first year university while living away from home on campus.  He was sweet, and loving caring.  Then things got strange.  I noticed that he was wanting to know where I was all the time.  He got jealous when I was watching movies with actors in it that I found attractive.  And he also had a temper.  One night he and I were invited to another part of campus my boyfriend
got angry at our friend and threw his keys at our friend.  Our friend said “Don’t throw things!”, he then looked at me then back at my boyfriend, and said “Don’t throw things ever.”  There were other times when I was scared of him, and hid on campus trying to get away from him.

The night I will never forget though is when we were out with a group of friends dancing at the pub.  I was down on the dance floor having fun with others.  I looked up to the balcony (where my boyfriend was), and waved at him to come and join us.  I got glared at
and with his hand actions he demanded that I come to him at once.  I finished dancing to the song then went to see him.  He just stared at me, and said to me “You know that I can’t dance.”  He was angry, as we walked back to the dorms he was muttering under his breath.  My stomach was doing flip flops.  Once back in the dorm, by my bedroom he spun me around and backed me up against the wall.    Slamming his hands up by my face on the wall, he said to me “I love you, I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”  He leaned in and put his hands on my cheeks, he kissed me and slid his hands down to my neck and squeezed.    Luckily he let go quickly.  I couldn’t move, or yell out.  I was able to end our relationship inbetween 1 and 2 of university.  Although I was still friends
with others who were friends with him.

Then he also stalked me for  the remaining years of university.  He would show up in places on campus where I  was.  I felt like I was walking on egg shells when on campus.  I walked everywhere with the walk safe program at night.  And there was one night in the
fourth year of university when my friends who I lived with on campus had him over for supper.  I stayed in my bedroom all night.  Didn’t even come out for supper.  My one room mate stuck her head in my room and said to me  “It’s been 3 years, get over it already.”

It took years to heal, with counselling and also personal development courses.

What am I doing now?   I am the Canadian Ambassador for the Freedom and Empowerment Teen Campaign.  A
global campaign to support, educate, and empower those who have been through dating violence and domestic abuse.  As the Teen Ambassador speaking to the next generation and other caring adults with education and awareness about the waring signs of abuse, and the different kinds of abuse.  One of the keys to help stop the cycle of abuse is with education.

Freedom & Empowerment Campaign

It’s only a walk Blogging Challenge Day 4

Walking, who here likes to walk?  How do you walk?  Do you walk with your head down?  Walk looking at everyone?  Walk with your nose in a book, or your phone?  What do you do when you hit a road block?  How do you move it out of your way?  Or do you?

I for one love to walk.  When I walk I hold my head up high and look at people when I walk by.  I walk with a purpose.  If I come up against a road block, it normally get gone around, or jumped over.

When I work with the women and girls in my businesses of Awakening Goddess and Wonder Girls Camp I do exercises about walking with a purpose.  And we talk about road blocks, we do a few different exercises for walking.  I say to the women and girls, well, you can slide the road block out of your way, kick them out of your way, or you can twist/turn and make your own path!  A phrase I love to say to the women with Awakening Goddess is “YOU pay taxes yes?  Therefore you own the sidewalk!  Walk on it like you own it, because YOU do!”  Walk down the sidewalk with a purpose.  To the young girls in Wonder Girls Camp, we talk about what makes them happy, or where is a happy place they would want to go to?  Then get the feeling of that place, and walk towards it.

We can translate this into life.  What will YOU do when you come up against a road block in your life?  Will you get angry and kick them out-of-the-way?  Will you do nothing?  Will you create your own path?

So the next time you go for a walk, pay attention to how you are walking……..walk on the sidewalk like you own it, YOU pay taxes!  Walk to your happy place!  Smile at the world!  As I say strut your stuff, dance your dance.  YOU were born to shine!

 

When was the last time…….Blog Challenge day 3

When was the last time you were vulnerable, seen, raw with emotion?  It’s good for us to do that.  Speaking your truth even when you know that you’ll be seen raw and naked.  I just did this last night.

From the blog of Freedom & Empowerment Campaign.  I did a video blog of my experience of dating violence/abuse that I went through in university.

If you want to see the full blog from the web page, please visit here:

Freedom and Empowerment Campaign Blog

That is it for me tonight, I’m tired………

When I say the words ‘on fire’? Blog Challenge Day 2

Last night I posted on FaceBook about being ‘on fire’.  I was referring to the energy and excitement about the position of being the Canadian Ambassador for the Freedom & Empowerment Teen Campaign.  The feeling of having a light or a fire lit inside of me.  Which is in the dictionary/thesaurus about the word fire.  Having a passion/feeling that burns bright, and the feeling of being ‘on fire’.

A new friend pointed out to me who is a burn survivor that she doesn’t like the phrase and suggested that I use something else.  I politely responded that no I am choosing to keep what I said that I am on fire.  I have been nick named a Phoenix by a dear long time friend of mine.  I am to him like a Phoenix rising time after time from the ashes and burning bright like a fire every time after life dealt me a curve ball.   The one reason why I have a feeling of being on fire for 2013, being the Canadian Ambassador for the Freedom & Empowerment Teen Campaign is because the campaign hits very close to home.  As being a survivor of an abusive relationship as well as being stalked all while attending university 16hrs driving away form home.  I am thrilled to be able to give back in this way.

Can I still get triggered by movies/tv/news media shows that have violence against women?  Oh yes I can, especially when it is of a young university girl living on campus.  These moments are lessening now I am proud to say.  One way I help myself if I do feel something get triggered in me I take some deep breathes, close my eyes and trust and know that the feeling/memory will pass.

So I choose to continue to rise like a phoenix, being ‘on fire’.  Playing big in the world, and showing up, not afraid to share, inspire, and empower other young women and teens who have been through, are going through, or who have been witness to abuse/dating violence.

What about you?  How does the words of  ‘on fire’ mean to you?

I am on fire like a phoenix rising.

Blog challenge

So it’s January 1st, 2013…….Wow!!!

I’ve chosen to join a blogging challenge blogging each day for 31 days.

What will appear I haven’t the foggiest….it will be fun though to write each day, even if it’s just a little blurb.

As for this one, being the first day of January 2013, what sorts of intentions have you set for yourself?

Last night as I was enjoying the radio and a cup of tea, I also created a mind map for what I wanted for 2013.   To be vulnerable and to be seen I’m going to share them here with you.  I have 6 intentions.

In 2013 wouldn’t it be cool if I……

1.  was interviewed on local TV stations for Wonder Girls Camp.

2. traveled being paid to share my story on a national and global scale.

3. take more steps to transition to full time entrepreneur.

4. wrote a best selling book.

5. have Wonder Girls Camp go National and Global.

With the sixth one I’m going to keep it to myself for a little while.  I may share it, I may not…….

Well, I am pretty excited about this coming year, it’s already started out with a bang.  I was just asked today to be the Canadian Ambassador for the Freedom & Empowerment Teen Campaign.  It is a global organization to inspire and empower teens and young women in university who have been through abuse/dating violence.  As a thriver from being in one during university, it is a dream to be able to give back in this way to the next generation.

So if you are dreaming big, what are your dreams?  Keep going!

It’s all in YOUR Attitude Goddess!

Who else in the world loves the magic and wonder of social media?  I for one can say that I love all the connections that have been happening for me.  Been meeting so many fantastic women in business who are all similar in our mission, and drive.  And they are all over the world!   I want to share a few of them with you.

First off for you in the awesome Goddess Lea from Attitude Goddess Lea is first off from Australia!  How awesome to connect with her while I’m here in Alberta, Canada!

Lea is an author of the book “Attitude Goddess”.  She shares her wisdom about all the flavours of the Goddess, and how to bring each one out to play.

Not only is she a best selling and award winning author, she has other gifts to offer women who want to go deep into their Goddess energy.  She teaches and inspires women to find their inner power which is at our core as women.  She inspires and invites women to be feminine, to be strong yet soft, passionate, and compassionate for others and herself.  As well as challenging women who maybe more in their masculine energy to stand and speak her truth, and speak her mind.

Lea is a woman with a vision and mission.  She is a coach, NLP practitioner, and is currently completing her doctorate in metaphysics.  You can find so many nuggets of wisdom and brilliant writing throughout her website.

What drew me to her page on FaceBook is that she wants all women to embrace their Goddess energy.   To be feminine, dancing always and in all ways.  Our feminine power is strong, not weak.  It needs to be celebrated and encouraged.   The energy is shifting on the planet, even his most holiest Dali Lama said that the world will be saved by the Western woman.  And for this to happen, it’s time for women to shine, collaborate, glow and grow together.

Have YOU found the Brighter Side with rocks?

What is the Brighter Side? How do you find the Brighter Side?  That is just what the fantastic Christina Rowsell has created.  A place to celebrate Good News, Great Ideas, and Amazing People!

A place to read about and meet some amazing people who are creating great ideas and good news in their communities.  I was introduced to Christina by a dear friend of mine Susanne from Motivated By Nature  Christina started the Brighter Side because she would turn on the news and see/hear negative headlines, or met friends who were going through some serious negative things in their life.   As well as her own family member was living with a mental illness and couldn’t seem to see the happy things in his life.

So the Brighter Side was born to help others see the brighter side of life.  To keep positive and celebrate life.

Now, how do rocks tie into finding the Brighter Side?  Bring back in my friend Susanne.  She has created an idea of having rocks painted with words that go along with her award winning book “The ABC Field Guide to Faeries”  Each faey has a word to go along with them.  I had the pleasure to be among the first few to chose a Gratitude Rock.  The word I chose was “Receive”.  And let me tell you it’s been working over time this last half of Nov.

The other neat thing with the Gratitude Rocks is that they have all been created by members of the Drop In Center for the homeless here in Calgary.  Proceeds support low-income and homeless Calgarians.  The places in the city of Calgary where the rocks can be purchased are here:

1.  7th Chakra 1301-17 Avenue SW Phone 403-668-1743
2.  Glenbow Museum Shop 130 9 Avenue Southeast 403-268-4100
3.  Our Angels Centre for Well Being Suite 3-2009 33 Ave SW (403) 226-7665
4.  Self Connection Books 125-4611 Bowness Rd NW 403-284-1486
5.  Soul Food Books 3-213 19 St NW 403-270-0410
6.  The Divine Mine 222, 11566 – 24th Street SE (403) 279-9555

One of the other neat things about these Rocks is that I have to pass it on to another when I’m done, and share my story with Susanne at a special e-mail address, who then turns and shares the stories with the artists of the Drop In Center.  Susanne through her Gratitude Rocks is choosing to change the face of homelessness in Calgary.

See below a video that Susanne created with those of us who chose Gratitude Rocks at the start of Novemeber 2012.

It must stop!

I’ve had a fire lit inside me all day…..check out why

 

Phoenix rising

So as I sit here at 10:30pm on a Sunday night I really should be on my way to bed, yet I sit here with so much to get out/off my chest.  So I’m hoping that this blog entry will alleviate some of the feelings I have.

This weekend has been nothing fancy.  It started out with a spontaneous drive out towards the mountains to sit at my ‘magic spot’ by the river for a little while.  While out there I felt connected to Mother Earth.  I saw 3 red tailed hawks on my drive out there, and one when I was sitting by the river bank.  As well as one big black bird with a huge wing span, and one swimming bird a loon it looked like to me.  I started talking to Goddess.  I surrendered to HER and with tears in my eyes I surrendered saying, that if the doctor has to cut me open to save my ovary that I still have on Nov. 15 that I’m okay with it.  And if the doctor has to remove the ovary because of what the cyst looks like I surrender to that outcome as well.  I cried.  I want the pain to stop in my belly.  It’s PCOS awareness month, I am 1 in 10 women who live with PCOS.  An incurable syndrome that can cause havoc for a woman.  Pain that doesn’t go away, crazy hair growth, and hair loss all at the same time.

PCOS Awareness Ribbon.

With the nomination of the FIERCE Woman of the Year Awards in the Resilient category for 2012 it was said to me by a friend that I am his ‘Phoenix friend’.  His suggestion to me is to find a red dress for night.  Well, I found one today……

It’s the right red, and I love the dress, loved how I felt when I put it on.

I came to a realization however, that this is the first time I’m wearing a bright red dress since my 1st year of University.  I haven’t worn one since.  And for those of you who know my story from University, my 1st year was not the best experience.  The last time I was in a red dress it was the semi-formal with my boyfriend, I can still bring myself back to that night.  Remember feeling pretty, and being with friends.  Dancing with friends and having him watch me and get angry because I was dancing with others.  He didn’t like hearing about my happy times from my past, and he also became jealous of me dancing with friends, and other things.

So to be wearing this red dress at the FIERCE Woman of the Year Awards in the Resilient category for 2012 brings it almost full circle in some sort of strange way.  Being brave, being seen, and being vulnerable.  Sharing my story with others to hopefully inspire them to keep going to break free, to rise above the ashes and be a phoenix in their own world.  I choose to rise.  The night of FIERCE is to celebrate everyone.  Everyone who is nominated is FIERCE in their own right!

When will you choose to rise?

Will YOU choose to rise like the phoenix?

“Suddenly I SEE”

Earlier this week I was sitting in the Calgary Women’s Specialty Clinic.  The song “Suddenly I See” comes on the radio in the waiting room.  I do my best not to cry.  I had been getting lower left quadrant stomach pain again for weeks on end, with flair ups every now and then that feel more like a hot steak knife being cut through butter, a searing unbelievable pain.  As well as the pain is now on both sides not just my left, but my right side as well…..I do my best not to burst into tears.  This place is full of women in all stages of pregnancy, all happy and smiling.  This is normally a happy place for women, and should be.

This place is NOT my happy place, not somewhere I want to be.  I am not here for a happy visit.  I’m here because my cyst is growing, and causing concern for my doctor, and my specialist who I’m about to see.  When I walk into the room on the door it reads ‘new gyne’.  And well no, I saw Dr. Steed 8 yrs ago to emergency surgery remove the ‘mass’ that was twisting and turning, killing my ovary and tube on the left side.  The ‘mass’ was a large grapefruit size cyst.  The ovary was dead, and the tube too, so they were also both removed.

Now being diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome) back at the end of January, the pain now has a name at least.  Dr. Steed comes into the room, and he greets me with a smile.  I say “I wish to be meeting you again on happier times”.  He says “yes it’s been a few years.”   He pretty much jumps to the point of the cyst is needing to be removed.   He tells me the risks and what will happen.  I laugh at this.  Eight years ago even on morphine I can remember what the ‘what could happen’ was.  Either be cut open or not.  Either be waking up at the hospital, or wake up at the Tom Baker Cancer clinic.

I choose to live, to keep going even with a smile on my face giving first and sharing always, lifting others as I climb.  The two motto’s from eWomen Network that I have adopted into my personal and professional daily life.  Even though on the inside I may be screaming in physical pain on a daily basis I will still continue to be of service to others.   I carry prescribed pain mediation now everywhere I go just in case I choose to take it to help with the pain.   I really don’t like taking the medication, I don’t want to become needy for it.

Dr. Steed said he will do his best to save the ovary that I do have.  Even if that means cutting me open AGAIN.  He doesn’t want me (nor do I) going into instant menopause at 36 (the age I’ll be when the surgery is).

I know I’m on this earth for a purpose, I’ve over come so many ‘odds’ in my life.  Many of them are described in my new co-authored book called “Take Flight ~ True Stories of How Dreams Shape Our Lives”.  And one that isn’t described in the book is the fact that I was told time and time again by teachers that I will never write well.  And lookie here…..I have been published in print in a book!

The book cover title page for my new co-authored book.

So I ask YOU, do you see YOU?  Will you continue to take a step, one brave step at a time?  What will you  choose?  How can I help YOU?  Don’t give up!  I believe in YOU!  YOU are loved!!